the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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