I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
