is your mom at the bar?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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