Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize