the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
