I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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