Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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