# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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