They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
