had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
