and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
