How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
