he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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