I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
