His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
