Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
3pm strippers are depressing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize