I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
