She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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