I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
