dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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