she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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