Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
