I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize