so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
