I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
