If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
