Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A+ Viking dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
