So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
