Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
