I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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