The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
