O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
