She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
