so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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