can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize