you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
