we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
