Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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