Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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