he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
