she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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