i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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