you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
