Where did you get a picture of my penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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