Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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