what if every blade of grass was a penis?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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