Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
