it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
