i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize