I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
