my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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