Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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