You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
