I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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