Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
