I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
