Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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