I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
