Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Say something about gay babies.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
