no, he came in my armpit
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
