.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
