its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
