i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
