You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We're too hungover to prance.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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