The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
