Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
