the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
