im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a search helicopter?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
