Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
