The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
People in love make me want to vomit
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
