I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
